For six years, Bob* lived what he now calls a nightmare, believing he was the daddy of a kid who, because it turned out, was not his.
Virtually 10 years in the past at age 28, Bob learnt that he was about to change into a first-time father. This information was a bit regarding as a result of the girl who claimed he impregnated her was not his associate. Nonetheless, he was overjoyed and, from the second he heard the information, he embraced the concept wholeheartedly.
“When she inform mi she did pregnant, regardless of every thing, mi did excited and mi inform everyone, all a mi family and friends as a result of a mi first, and I used to be pleased to be a father,” Bob defined, including that his associate finally left him after studying of his affair.
Nonetheless, Bob was decided to be father, and,, whereas working within the resort trade, Bob did every thing he may to help the mom and little one in Kingston.
“I made positive the newborn had every thing – tub pan, child garments, all of that. I even ship cash for the mom to go to her clinic appointments,” he defined. However after his daughter was born, the mom grew to become distant, solely contacting Bob when she wanted cash. She even made it tough for Bob to see the kid when he was in Kingston. Nevertheless, when the kid acquired older, and after a lot protest, Bob launched her to his household, who embraced her with open arms. But, one thing at all times felt ‘off’.
“Regardless of how onerous I attempted, we simply couldn’t bond, it was like she resented me. I do not know what her mom was telling her however we simply by no means had a bond, although my household beloved her and he or she beloved them. With me, it was virtually like she hated me,” Bob shared.
Regardless of the emotional distance, Bob continued to financially help the kid, sending as a lot as $20,000 each fortnight out of his $26,000 wage. However, any time he confronted monetary difficulties, the kid’s mom would threaten him with courtroom. Sooner or later, cops confirmed up at his office with a summons to seem in Household Court docket.
“It was so embarrassing, as a result of the police come and ask for me and other people begin ask questions. Suh, yuh know information unfold quick, so everyone did have it to say that I wasn’t caring for the kid, which wasn’t true,” Bob stated.
Though Bob had doubts concerning the kid’s paternity from the start — for the reason that mom had one other associate on the time they met — he selected to consider her when she stated the kid was his. However, when the kid turned six, a surprising revelation from the mom’s sister modified every thing. She gave Bob the contact variety of the ‘different man’, and their dialog confirmed his worst fears.
“The person may a inform me every thing. He even advised me which day she get pregnant — after they’d intercourse. And that is when mi mek up mi thoughts say mi want a DNA check,” Bob stated.
Bob wished to do a paternity check years earlier however could not afford the $42,000 price ticket. This time, he discovered Polygenics Consulting, which supplied a fee plan, permitting him to pay $30,000 in three instalments. When the outcomes got here again, the reality shattered him.
“When mi see the outcomes, I used to be enraged. And, immediately, I began resenting her. Mi nah lie, it even cross mi thoughts fi damage her. It was really the counsellor from Polygenics that helped me to work by means of mi rage and assist mi work on forgiving her,” Bob admitted.
After that, Bob minimize all ties with the mom and stopped supporting the kid. A 12 months later, she reached out, questioning how he may stroll away in spite of everything these years.
“I used to be shocked when she referred to as me as a result of, after every thing weh she duh, I do not understand how she may discover the center to ask me such a query. However I advised her that she actually damage mi, and mi simply could not do it. The kid was harmless, sure, however, after every thing she put me by means of and the way she traumatised mi, I could not be part of the little lady’s life,” Bob stated. He did, nevertheless, provide to assist pay for an additional DNA check to find out the kid’s actual father.
Now, practically 10 years later, Bob nonetheless feels the burden of his expertise. At present, he has an eight-year-old son, however, this time, he made positive to do a DNA check immediately.
“I am sorry, however, after every thing I have been by means of, I needed to know for positive. And some other that is coming after him, mi a get dem examined as a result of I refuse to undergo that once more,” he stated firmly.
Bob additionally advised THE WEEKEND STAR that he believes obligatory paternity testing at start would stop conditions like his. Nevertheless, he acknowledges that implementing such a legislation would include challenges.
“Belief me, going by means of this was not simple, and this sort of factor can actually drive a person loopy. However the actuality is, if that turns into legislation, wi a guh want extra social staff, extra counsellors, as a result of crime and violence a guh enhance. Some ladies a guh find yourself homeless wid dem children, and a complete heap an issue a guh come outta it,” Bob defined.
In a groundbreaking partnership with Polygenics Consulting, THE STAR is providing free paternity testing to 12 households in a six-month programme, geared toward fixing paternity mysteries. This, Bob believes, is an important initiative that can assist many males lastly get closure.
“I strongly consider that these sort of partnerships are important as a result of it would make a critical distinction. Extra individuals can discover out the reality and get peace of thoughts.”
*Names modified to guard id
